Therapy for men.

Anxiety, up to a certain point, is a normal and healthy expression of the human nervous system, of our fears, desires, and longings, which energizes us to act. However, when we experience anxiety on overdrive, it can overwhelm us, leaving us in states of fear, of obsessive worry, and panic, which in turn can lead to soothing behaviors which block us from a fulfilling life. Strange as it may seem, such anxiety is often serving a purpose of keeping other unwanted experiences at bay.

I work with clients to cultivate physical and emotional well-being, which brings greater resilience against overwhelm and reduces the need for negative coping patterns. Together, we use explore the emotions and needs hidden beneath the anxiety, valuable information which can guide you towards the kinds of shifts that reduce anxiety and take you closer to the life you want to be living.

Depression comes with the painful belief that our disappointments and losses have occurred because of "something wrong" with us, or with how we have lived our life. Our disappointment turns inward against ourselves and negative thoughts play on repeat, which blocks out life-affirming experiences of self-acceptance and self-compassion. Depression can leave us with a sense of helplessness, and even hopelessness.

Often, if we can begin to bring kindness and compassion to the places where we feel the hurt inside, we can begin to uncover the sources of our pain, and as we do so, we allow deep needs to be seen and recognized. Space opens up for self-acceptance and self-compassion, and life begins to take on hope and meaning again. Change does not happen overnight, but step by step, therapy can help us emerge from the depths of depression and find new meaning in life.

If we have encountered too many moments of mistreatment, rejection, and neglect, especially in our formative years, it is hard to come away without some marks on our capacity to feel safe and comfortable in relationship. We may adopt different stances to adapt, becoming a pleaser in order to be accepted, or becoming aloof to avoid the pain of potential rejections. Such strategies are perfectly understandable, but they block our natural ability to fully and authentically express ourselves in relationship. In a sense, many of us get led to believe that being in relationship means that we have to present ourselves as other than who we truly are.

Therapy provides the opportunity to explore the issues and the blocks that come up in relationship to other people, be they parents, partners, siblings, children, coworkers, and colleauges. As we unpack the past difficulties in relationship, we become able to detach from past negative experiences and to create constructive new experiences of relationship.

The human nervous system is a truly exquisite creation of biological design, but it's not perfect. The same human mind that is capable of imagining our way to artistic, philosophical, and technological marvels is also deeply influenced by the reptilian part of the brain. When we experience threat, our survival (fight-flight-freeze) response can override all of our best human intentions, such that our extraordinary power of human imagination becomes subjugated to the survival response.

When we experience trauma, it often comes from a situation in which we didn't have the full opportunity to fight or flee. In order to survive, a part of us had to freeze, to shut down, to become numb. When we don't have the opportunity to process and release the survival response, by allowing our body in some way to release a fight or flight response, the terror energy of the survival threat stays hidden in our physical body, and because the terror is so unpleasant, we often turn to coping behaviors to mask the internal pain, including substance use and avoidance of situations which bear any similarity to the traumatic experience

The good news is that a number of effective techniques have been developed in recent decades which enable individuals to process and release trauma. When trauma is released from the nervous system, a powerful process unfolds in which the nervous system is able to heal itself. Individuals often report experiencing a new lease on life once the trauma is released, as the nervous system, freed from having to cope with the detrimental energy of the trauma, can now do what it is designed to do, experience life and enjoy relationship.

For most people, the journey to finding one's calling is not a direct path, but an odyssey of trials. Often, models of success that we internalize from those around us can influence and sway us away from our inner voice towards actions and pursuits which we hope will gain us approval and acceptance from family or community. While well-intentioned, going such a path often takes us farther and farther away from the direction of our inner compass, our strenghts and our passions. As our inner compass falls out of use, it can atrophy, and we may forget that it's even there. We may lose hope and confidence in ourselves, plugging away at a job or lifestyle that doesn't feel right.

The good news is that the inner compass is always there, awaiting our attention and our return to self. Therapy offers a space that utilizes curiosity and compassion to block out shame and self-judgement, as we launch on an inner journey that takes us closer to our true nature and allows us to make choices that bring us closer and closer to the fulfilling existence we want to have in our work and in our life.